Adventures in Cooking: Part 1

Posted on June 29, 2012. Filed under: Adventures in Cooking |

My roommate sadly (for a number of reasons) lives in Wisconsin. For the next week-and-a-half, she will be living it up with family and friends in air-conditioned bliss. (I’m really happy for her, although I am unbelievably jealous about the air-conditioning. Our apartment does not have any, and – I’m not exaggerating here – it was over a hundred degrees in my bedroom last night. I know this because it was 98 outside and I opened my windows because outside was colder.)

My roommate is a fantastic cook. She makes so many delicious and tasty things; meanwhile, I can successfully cook chicken and eggs. The last time I made a grilled cheese sandwich I set off the smoke alarm. I have boiled macaroni into oblivion. I would make a crack about my inability to boil water properly, but I’m a (bio)chemist and I can boil the everloving crap out of anything.

The point is, my roommate does all of our cooking. I hold pots and things and stir stuff when she tells me to. It’s a great system. During the school year, when who’s going to be home when is up in the air, I can usually fend for myself because it’s not that hard to follow the directions on the back of a microwaveable dinner.

This isn’t the school year. My roommate left for home this evening. I don’t have any microwaveable dinners.

So, for your entertainment, and also because I just made a rather strong Bloody Mary and so this sounds like a good idea, I will be blogging my adventures in the culinary arts for the week-and-a-half my roommate is gone.

So, without further ado:

7:30 pm – I wake up from the nap I started taking at 3:45. In my defense, due to the aforementioned air-conditioning issue, I got about four hours of sleep last night because it got so hot that I woke up at 3:30am.

7:35 pm – I open all the windows because it’s cool enough to make a difference.

7:40 pm – I get on the internet to check my email and news reader.

8:30 pm – I eat an ice cream drumstick with the full intention of calling it dinner.

9:20 pm – I remember that I have only had a Twix ice cream bar and a single chicken sandwich to eat for the entirety of the day, and get off the internet to make food.

9:40 pm – I actually get off the internet to make food.

9:41 pm – I pull out a box of my nemesis, macaroni and cheese. It is so tasty, but I suck so hard at making it.

9:42 pm – I finally locate a saucepan. Since my roommate does the cooking, I made the executive decision to ~~saddle her with~~ allow her to put the kitchen together, since it was more vital that she know where everything is. Consequently, it took me until 9:43 to find a measuring cup. I know that doesn’t sound pathetic, but we have four cabinets. So there’s that.

9:43 pm – After locating a measuring cup, I pour 6 cups of water into a saucepan. I also realize that this recipe calls for milk.

9:44 pm – I realize we don’t have milk.

9:45 pm – I make myself a really strong Bloody Mary.

9:46 pm – I suck it up, exchange the macaroni box for garlic and cheddar instant mashed potatoes. I start boiling 1 1/2 cups of water and 2 tablespoons of butter.

9:47 pm – I realize that the mashed potato mix also calls for milk. I say a few words I did not learn in my parents’ house.

9:48 pm – I fish what is by now probably a tablespoon and a half of butter out of the saucepan and put it back in the refrigerator.

9:49 pm – I try to find one box of food that doesn’t require %&*#@!@$ milk, and eventually suck it up and grab some chicken ramen.

9:50 pm – I add a half cup of water to the saucepan and start boiling my noodles.

9:52 pm – I get hot because open flames are a tad warm and start cooking shirtless in my kitchen. One of the only good things about my roommate being gone is that our apartment is now pants- and shirts-optional.

9:53 pm – I add a pack of seasoning to the sauce. I then add an entire packet of soy sauce, because SCREW YOU HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE. YOU’RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME.

9:54 pm – I remember that boiling water is hot when I bite into a noodle that was probably only a little hotter than the surface of the sun. I down half my Bloody Mary.

9:55 pm – I remember why we wear sleeves in chemistry lab – it is because boiling water on bare skin is a tad uncomfortable. I say some words I learned from watching movies that I shouldn’t have when I was ten.

9:56 pm – I begin to eat my first delicious bowl of buttery soy chicken ramen.

9:57 pm – I watch the oil sliding around in the bottom of the bowl and remind myself that I believe in the power of science to solve all of our health problems.

10:17 pm – I finish this post and my final bowl of noodles.

Verdict: Edible

Convenience: High

Difficulty level: Low

Skill Required: Opposable thumbs, ability to boil water

Materials: Sauce pot, butter, chicken ramen, soy sauce, stove, shirt, Bloody Mary, power

Quote: “The butter takes some of the edge off of the saltiness of the soy sauce!”

Lessons learned:

-I need to buy some %&*#@!@$ milk.

-The possibility of a power outage becomes infinitely more terrifying when you are depending on fans to not die.

-Shirts are an important accessory in any chef’s arsenal. Either that or I should get an apron.

-Winners disregard the FDA’s recommendations on daily sodium intake. I am a winner.